In a healthy relationship, you and your boyfriend grow closer together and feel more comfortable around each other. Comfort, in a relationship, involves your willingness to talk openly with your boyfriend, sharing your personal feelings and ideas, while trusting him to respond respectfully to your thoughts. You can determine your comfort with your boyfriend by considering your past with him and examining the way you respond to him and the way you feel around him.
- Ask yourself if you are comfortable with him seeing you at your worst, such as right after you get off work, after a long day at school or at the end of a 12-hour cram session before a major test. Decide whether you feel safe desiring his support and understanding during these times when you are tired and uncomfortable. For instance, after you have a difficult fight with a friend, leaving you feeling vulnerable and exhausted, ask yourself whether you go to your boyfriend for the comfort you trust him to provide or worry about making yourself look better first.
- Consider the personal information you shared with your boyfriend in the past, such as information about your life, your ideas about the world or your personal goals and dreams. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable sharing more of these personal areas of your life. Achieving intimacy in a relationship is a process of each person revealing these personal issues and hearing the response from the other. If he responded inappropriately to your past attempts to talk about personal issues, you may not be comfortable sharing more personal information in the future.
- Ask yourself if you and your boyfriend laugh together, or if you laugh at each other. Consider funny experiences you shared, such as watching a comedy together, seeing each other do something silly or the way either of you responded to a funny situation. Note the difference between laughing together and laughing at one another is that laughing together is a shared experience, while laughing at one another leaves one of you feeling distant and uncomfortable.
- Consider the way you talk to him, examining the words you choose, the topics you bring up or the amount of time you spend during a conversation thinking about ideas you intend to discuss next. Ask yourself if talking to your boyfriend seems natural, or if you are still guarding your words to avoid offending him. For instance, notice whether you hesitate when you speak to your boyfriend before telling a joke, or feel comfortable enough with him to speak the concerns on your mind.
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