Guys lose interest for a host of reasons. Everything from "the chemistry just was not right" to "she is not pretty enough for me" has been used as an excuse for lost interest. While the former is something positive to recognize before a relationship progresses too far, the latter is egotistical. And sometimes, it is more a result of what you do, rather than who you are that holds a guy's interest for the long run.
History
- "Be just a little bit unavailable." "Keep him guessing." Those are some of the prize words of advice from most relationship and dating gurus, and the truth is, they work. Game playing is the harsh reality of dating at the beginning of a new relationship. Each person is testing the other to see what they are made of and if they are worthy of a longer commitment. The games can be exhausting. They can make you feel that dating is not worth it if you have to play a silly game of "who called the other last" or "I made the plans last time." Score is kept. Diligently. And if you do not keep score, you can bet your friend will.
Theories/Speculation
- Theory No. 1:Guys lose interest because the love interest is too available.If you are always there, if you always pick up the phone, if you are the dependable weekend date that he can call on the same night that he wants to see you, and you will agree... stop it right now. If you never have plans with your friends, well... what's the challenge in that? Men like the hunt. Men like the "prey" to tease them a bit. If you worked in an ice cream shop surrounded by the stuff all day, every day, how fast would you grow sick of it?
Guys like a little mystery. Guys like to chase. If they think for a moment that another man is "sniffing around" their territory, no matter whether they have actually staked a formal claim yet on it or not, they respond. They want to protect their prey from anyone else laying claim before they are ready.So, do not pick up the phone on the first ring, or even the 20th. Let a call go by now and then. Do not settle for last-minute plans when he has not called you for days. Do not NOT make plans with your friends. You had a life before he walked into it, and that is one of the things that made you attractive to him. Think back to that time and see where your actions have changed and rewind yourself.Theory No. 2:Guys lose interest because you are too needy.If you just cannot bring yourself to kill that spider in your closet, call one of your other brave friends to do it. Now if the guy happens to already be at your place and you find said spider, feel free to hand him your expensive stiletto, or maybe a flip-flop instead and let him wield the mighty footwear in protection of his mate.
If you find yourself inventing little reasons to call him or little reasons to invite him over, he will see you as not being able to stand on your own two feet. He will begin to wonder. Keep your dignity as well as the number for a plumber, electrician, car mechanic and every other handyperson you might need. Your guy may offer to help you with your household challenges and such, and once in a while that's OK, but sometimes you have to say, "I got this. Thanks anyway."Theory No. 3Guys lose interest because you give into sex too soon.This goes back to mystery. Be the package under the Christmas tree that he cannot wait to open. You know what that anticipation feels like. There is absolutely no reason not to wait because the sex is not going to hold him to you if the relationship is doomed from the beginning.
There's no need to be a prude, but there is no need to be easy either. Take it slow. You have everything to gain.Theory No. 4Guys lose interest because you are too competitive.You can be strong and know your own mind, but you do not need to flaunt it, or throw in his face how brilliant or good looking you are. Keep that to yourself. Be softer, be nicer and his protectiveness will come out. Show your brilliance at work. That's where you need it anyway.
If a partner appears to just be "too much," a man will feel he is not worthy of you and that you deserve someone more on your level. The male ego is a fragile thing and sometimes you have to feed it. Never, though, in any circumstances back down if someone challenges you in public just because you feel your date might think you "ungirly." Stand your ground when it is called for, and most of time if he's the right guy, it won't be called for with him.
Considerations
- Men like a strong independent person that is in total possession of herself. Ethel Watts Mumford put it best: "The greatest possession is self-possession." Men want a partner who will stand with them through life, not drag them down. You may need to dump insecurities or develop stronger relationships with your friends. Whatever has caused him to lose interest probably, really does have something to do with you. For the most part, men do not go off looking for a new fling because they are dogs. It is so difficult to start a new relationship, at times, even exhausting. So ask yourself, would you want to do all that leg work again if your present relationship was working? Probably not.
Expert Insight
- If you absolutely cannot figure out why he lost interest in you, ask your friends. Chances are, no, better than average chances are, they will know. Frequently they will have insight that you never considered or they have been seeing problems in your relationship for a while and you were too stubborn to listen. Your friends are the best barometer for your relationships. They know you better than you know yourself most of the time.
Potential
- There are a number of books in every self-help section of every bookstore that can tell you how to keep a guy's interest. The best bet, however, is asking yourself, "how does he keep mine?" When you figure out the answer, do exactly what he does to you, and he will respond. Sometimes, almost immediately.
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